"Perspective is everything"

August 9, 2011

Raising children can be a challenging and rewarding experience. Raising two teenage people, basically young adults can be absolutely frightening. Will they make the right choices? Will they stay out of trouble? How will they handle this situation? I hope they come to me with questions… are just a few things that parents ask and wish about their own namesake’s.

It is always a beautiful thing when your children come to you with an experience and you see the light bulb turn on above their heads.

It’s even better when their experience is done in a totally safe environment. “It’s all about perspective,” I told my teenage children after the wife and I came home from a weekend as a “couple.” I can’t believe grandma said this; I can’t believe grandpa did that. “Now I know why you get mad Dad when I…” “I am so glad you are home.” “I just stayed in my room all day.” “I couldn’t even go across the street.”

I told both my teenage children while discussing the weekend’s experiences around the dinner table, “Don’t discount what you have until you have a chance to share in another’s experience.”

“Sometimes what you have ain’t that bad.”

Life in a nutshell for my teenage children was this weekend. It emphasized the importance of understanding my “parental” perspective, their “teenage” perspective and the perspective of other people in their lives. The importance of getting along with others who were raised differently, act differently, have different belief systems and have different “perspectives” and “experiences” from life.

As teachers say, “that was a teachable moment, “ and there was a whole lot of learning going on.

Dad when you were my age…

I have two kids. One, who without effort is the “A” type personality who wants to “get it done” and has a “do it her way” attitude. The other, much more easy going, nothing bothers him, there’s always the “tomorrow” philosophy to life. Guess which one occupies more of my time? You got it, the Kenny Chesney, Margaritaville child that I love so much.

What is more frustrating is he has the true potential to be a successful high achiever. If he put just as much effort into putting in the hard work, as he does “taking it easy,” I would be a happy camper. Who am I to complain though, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Just goes to show, it is not what you say, but what you do that rubs off on your children.

I guess I should not be disappointed. In the clutch, he did pull off an “A” in a summer school biology class he is taking so he can “coast” during his sophomore year in high school. He was actually the “curve” for the class.

Happy daze.

"No dead fish"

While my children have had their fair share of complements and awards growing up, none have been so heart felt than the one given to me two days ago.

Something as simple as a firm handshake, a clear and pronounced introduction and good eye contact by my son, had such a strong reflection on my family, decisions for my family and parenting style my wife and I have employed.

Two days after a work picnic, a peer approached me and said, “You have a great son.” Keep in mind this was a 60 second introduction and light conversation. He continued to express his positive impressions he had of him, referencing these simple gestures when they met. “I can tell, you have a great son. I work with people all day long and was so knocked back by your son’s polite easy tone, confidence and firm hand shake. I know you were doing something right.”

Good job “P.”

Apples does not fall far from the tree

Okay, it's Father's Day and my wife and daughter just laughed at me and my son. I'm watching the "Devil Wears Prada," and my son is watching Kim Kardashian in the other room. Wow!

Old habits are hard to break

In an attempt to avoid the “Father’s day” rush, my family (minus one who had to work) and both sets of grand parents went out to eat lunch to celebrate the day. This was our way of giving thanks for our fathers and a chance to bask in the title of being a “Dad.”

Since my kids have been born, my father has always been the subject of family badgering about the “ideas” and "inventions" he has had and created over the years. Most recently, since the kids have been old enough to notice, my family has indiscriminately named him “Grandpa Pockets.” You ask why? My father has found it appropriate to sew “large enough” pockets directly on the outside portions of the chest and breast of almost all of the t shirts he owns in order to hold his handkerchief, pens and cell phone. All with no sense of fashion, style or even color coordination.

During last years holiday season, my father was given a golf style shirt with my son’s high school emblem on the left breast to wear for Grand Parents Day. This gift was followed with an admonition to “grand ma,” please don’t let him sew a pocket on the shirt. A smile and quick burst of laughter came from all who were present.

That brings us to Father’s day lunch. As “Grandpa Pockets” exited his vehicle to greet the family, he was wearing the above mentioned golf shirt. Smack dab in the middle of his chest was not a pocket, but an outline of a “Levi” style pocket stitch. He had placed the pocket on the inside of the shirt. When he was asked about the pocket at lunch, he had the same smile and grin that went from ear to ear, and replied with full confidence, “Pretty good, huh. “

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads in my life.




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LIfe is a parade

This is my attempt to memorialize my experience as a dad, through my life’s experience past and present; and from the perspective of my childhood, my adulthood and my fatherhood. Joining me in this journey is my wife. Who since the age of 25 has been my best friend, my conciliary, and my partner. Though these are not her thoughts or words, I am influenced by her guidance and wisdom. Love you Connie.

As you will quickly find music, food and drink fall directly into this experience. Sometimes as a reflection of my family and culture, and sometimes a shared relationship with people in my life. Regardless, it does impact the quality of the experience and improves the “feel good” nature of the event. “Life is a parade.”

This train left several years ago, how appropriate to begin this journey late, but the day before Father’s Day, 2011. “All aboard who’s com’in aboard.”